For the last year or so I’ve gone through so much change.
Since November 2014 I’ve moved house three times, I’ve started a new job, I got married and changed my name. It’s all been a bit overwhelming and I’m just starting to settle down again.
Some people thrive in change but I wouldn’t know, I’ve never really had all that much change in my life, I lived in the same house for 20 years and have always had a stable home life, whenever something did change I had that as a constant. Moving a year or so ago was the first time I really had to go it alone and it was scary.
The strange thing is for all the time I was going through all that change I craved so desperately for some stability, to feel settled in myself and have that sense of 'Home' back. I just longed for a time when things would stay the same for a while, but now I’ve finally got to that point, I find myself wanting to change so much.
Not in my environment but in myself, I hate the way I look, I’m over weight and uncomfortable, I’m bored of my appearance, bored of the way I dress, bored of my negative attitude. It’s almost as if all the change in my environment has made me feel like I’m not me anymore, that I need to change who I am to adapt somehow. I often feel like with all the lack of familiarity it's as if I’m living someone else’s life.
I know it sounds cheesy but I really want to become a new me, reinvent myself somehow.
Is this unhealthy? Is this some sort of insecurity? Or is it a natural part of growing up?
I’m 25 this year, I’m not the same person anymore in many ways, maybe it’s my brains way of adjusting to everything.
Maybe a new chapter wouldn’t be such a bad thing…
|Until next time,|
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